New Reality over the Holidays

This is the 1st holiday w/out my ex and it was a tough one. On top of the fact that there was a fallin out with my gma and aunts/uncles so our traditional xmas eve celebration was cancelled. Drama!!! So done w/ it. I did have to plan ahead to make sure MS didn't cut my holiday celebration short. I rested all day xmas eve to be able to have dinner @ my best friend's place with my kids. Then we headed off to my aunt's place for a bit of family time. Xmas morning was spent @ my mom's place to finish off doing the rounds. Then they got to spend xmas day with the in-laws. That evening I met w/ my ex to discuss kids and the finalization of our separation. That was the most painful and heart wrenching conversation I've ever had. He won't even sit down to admit to the kids that it's because he wanted the easy way out that is why were broken up. Guess he's not much of a man, at least in my point of view. If you're going to go as far as refuse counseling cause it's too much work and pain to save your marriage and your family then be man enough to admit that and let your kids know it isn't their Mom whose ruining their lives and breaking up their family. Anyway....

I decided I'm going to sit the kids down w/ or w/out him and explain the new reality to them. They're so confused right now. They don't understand that they're dad and I aren't going to get back together and that the family they used to know is no longer a reality. I'm praying and hoping that GOD and the Holy Spirit will guide me and the words I choose. I need to help my kids deal with the reality of our lives now but, I pray to be able to do it gently and lovingly. I know GOD will provide and care for them to be able to handle all this. It's a painful task to have to shatter the innoncence of your children. Yet it's better than letting them live in a fantasy world and continue to see the world thru rose colored glasses.

So...I just got my monthly dose of my MS meds today. I usually feel tired and fatiqued @ this point of the day after these infusions. Yet today my body is energized and feeling great! I hppe this is a pattern that continues. I've been experiencing headaches and pain more frequently lately. I've also had 3 cold sores in the past 6 mths. I'm trying to schedule time w/ my Neuro so can discuss these issues. Well...it's late and I need to be wise w/ my energy level. I need to reserve some for the rest of the week. Will end here and update again soon.

Energy or Lack of

I haven't been able to maintain my energy level to get thru a day without a nap lately. This occurrence I've observed has been happening consistently after my infusions. So, taking note and hoping this isn't a side affect that is here to say. I'd really rather not add another medication to counteract the side affect of another. And of course typical of the fatique I don't realize it until I hit a wall and I realize I'm extremely tired and must sit and rest or take a nap to get thru the rest of the day. And like others it doesn't interfere w/ the rest I get in the evening. Still as tired at bedtime as I'd normally be. Fatique and increasing occurences of pain seem to be my new companions in the progression of this disease. I feel bad for the kids since our mealtimes have been what's quick and easy and not really special anymore. They really appreciate meal times @ the table as a family and that's been non-existent. Anyway...what to do? Adjusting to new realities will have to be a skill I acquire quickly and can practice well. To top it off I have another stress cold sore. This is the 3rd one in the past 6 months. Might be something I mention to my neuro since happened several times now. They're painful too. Well, guess it's time to start laying out must-do activities and picking out which ones the most important for each day. That way what needs to happen gets done and I don't feel guilty. These are the times I wish I had a partner/spouse to rely on. To help keep the balance and life going since I can't be @ full force. Or should I be thinking "manage to learn to live like this" since this could be my reality?